JOURNAL ENTRY: Monday 05 June 2017

Today has not been a good day.

I woke up around 7ish feeling pretty good but I have spent far too long on social media today. This hasn’t been a problem recently, but for some reason, today it started to feel obsessive. Maybe I’m only now seeing what I’ve been avoiding seeing recently?

I’ve really struggled to put it down today and I’ve become more and more paranoid as the day has gone on. Maybe this is just my increasing awareness and tomorrow I can practice leaving it alone and do something else more positively sociable instead.

I’ve slept a couple of times during the day, and I mean proper passed out sleep.

I feel like I’ve been isolating from the world for the last 10 days and now I’m starting to realise that I’m in a bad way. I’m back in my box again and I don’t know how to get out of it.

I don’t know if it’s the Olanzapine, but I’m also starting to feel very flat. My head feels very calm and quiet, which is a blessing, but I’m back in the space today of not really giving a shit. This is really unpleasant, so it unbalances the positive affect of the calm, peace and silence.

I slept until 19:20, so I’ve also missed my Monday SAA fellowship today too. I feel like I want to curl up and die, which is not really very healthy. I can’t really be bothered to curl up though. I really don’t like this whole ‘what’s the point’ feeling. I thought I was passed this?

I’ll be glad when the general election is over. It’s seriously depressing me now too.

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