JOURNAL ENTRY: Wednesday 04 January 2017

I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.
– Thomas Jefferson

I’m slowly starting to see how my character defects can become character assets. For example, my OCD, when channelled in a more productive way makes me a tenacious adversary, as I also have a very good memory and can articulate myself pretty well.

I have high standards, because of my perfectionism, but I’m starting to relax and realise that it doesn’t have to be perfect first, second or even third time. However, excellence is achievable through the pursuit of perfectionism.

The more I connect with my anger, the more assertive I am becoming. I am able to step back when needed, but won’t back down prematurely because I start to feel ‘sorry’ for the perpetrator. Cross a boundary and I’ll tell you. We can Step 10 it together, but I won’t be bullied or emotionally blackmailed anymore.

I feel more connected with my values, which do seem to emanate from a spiritual source, and by that I mean, equality, fairness, love for all, compassion for all and a regard and respect for all life. I’m also developing a sense of justice when required, which I guess also means I’m learning discernment.

This is all stuff that will eventually go into my Step 4:

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Recovery is amazing. I keep thinking ‘oh, I really must do that’, but because I am bringing that intention into my consciousness and I am also using mindfulness to pay more attention to the hear and now, I am beginning to see how recovery just works when you embed it into the very core of your Being.

This is from the patterns of co-dependency and recovery:

In co-dependency, I put my values aside to connect with you.

In Recovery, my values are mine, as the core of my being they are sacrosanct.

 

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One Reply to “JOURNAL ENTRY: Wednesday 04 January 2017”

  1. Great work. It is all coming together for you. I love what you said about realizing that you simply put forth your intention and recovery works. That is my experience and understanding as well. It’s beautiful too, because you begin to understand how simple it is. One foot in front of the other. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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