JOURNAL ENTRY: Friday 21 October 2016

I didn’t sleep last night as I was too excited. I had nothing specifically to look forward to that would make me excited, I was simply grateful to the core that I felt OK.

When the alarm finally went off at 7am, I got up made breakfast and then watched some TV for a while, then tried to get a bit of sleep before needing to get up at about 12pm to get ready to see my dad.

I only managed to doze really for about 2 hours and didn’t really have a problem waking up or getting up when the alarm went off at 12pm.

I’ve felt really energised, content and well today. I’m being mindful that I may be about to go manic, so if I haven’t calmed down by Monday I may need to make a doctors appointment. I’m hoping that I can get a good nights sleep tonight and then see how the weekend pans out.

I’ve made a few phone calls today and hopefully this can continue over the weekend too.

I’ve made a real conscious effort today to be mindful of Steps 1,2 and 3 and to remain connected to myself and my Higher Power. It does feel as if a light bulb has come on again. Things just feel different. I feel different. The program makes sense, life makes sense, I know what I need and I’m started to know what I want.

It’s very humbling to experience this much gratitude. I no longer hold a grudge against my illness. Something was trying to tell me something and I wasn’t listening. It’s like I can hear again. There is less (negative) noise in my head, although I am still concerned that my mind is rather full and my attention span is rather limited.

I feel good to be alive today and I haven’t been able to say that in a while. I can feel that I’m also starting to smile and laugh on the inside too. This is a really lovely feeling. The fear is lifting, the anxiety is nowhere near as bad and I can feel the stress and the tension start to release.

It may not last, but it’s moments like today that renew my strength and hope.

It’s good to be here. Thanks.

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