JOURNAL ENTRY: Sunday 10 July 2016

I’m struggling to understand what’s gone wrong, but today I feel pretty low, possibly even on the level of depressed. I’m struggling to see the purpose in my existence and that does conjure up the occasional, would I be missed thought. Not entirely healthy and slightly frustrating, given that I thought I was past this.

I’m feeling resentful of the world and all its stupidity. Why do we keep doing the same stupid things? What is it all for? And ultimately, who even cares anyway?

I’ve had really low energy these last couple of days, maybe even this week. Having taken the previous week off as a rest week, it feels like I’ve lost my enthusiasm, drive and motivation. This is a complete b@stard, as I was doing really well.

I’m possibly starting to get a little anxious about the future. It’s been almost two years since I stopped working and I’m ultimately no closer to knowing what I’m going to do when I go back to work.

I’m not sure I want to enter back into this ridiculous rat race or what that point of entering back into it is for?

If the point of all this is to achieve enlightenment, aka experience the meaning the of life, then I’ve done that. It all seems a little pointless to now say, well that was nice, lets go back to being a mindless tw@t again.

I’m not interested in materialism or wealth or status or power. I just would like things to be fair and true, but things are far from fair and there is almost no truth.

I ask myself the question, can I be bothered to fight or even what is the point in fighting? The world sucks because there is a mindless majority that are fast asleep. These people are just consuming everything fasting than nature can pick it all back together. In less than 15 years, the world will have popped.

So what’s the point in fighting anymore? I surrender.

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