JOURNAL ENTRY: Thursday 07 July 2016

Today I started to process a letter that explains my interpretation of my experience of the enlightened state of consciousness.

The purpose was to send it to a prominent professor of mathematics and science, who I have heard talking on the subject of consciousness manifesting the universe. I only heard this about a week ago, but it made me realise that my own experience testifies to the scientific hypothesis that he has created.

As I began to craft the letter, I realised that I am going to need to spend some considerable time ensuring that I get the message right. Whilst I am quietly confident that no one today is really listening and secondly that if they were, they probably wouldn’t care or believe me anyway, I don’t want to be responsible for committing the same mistakes I have made in the past.

I’ve very much enjoyed giving the process some real form. It’s been something that I have been intending to do for a long time, and it’s always a pleasure to watch intention manifest.

Today’s main lesson continues to be that of patience and tolerance, as stated in the long version of the serenity prayer.

Grant me patience with the changes that take time… Tolerance of those with different struggles

As I continue to be mindful of my recovery, it’s amazing how obvious the lessons are becoming. It’s almost as if someone already knew that I would face these challenges and need these words of wisdom and so left them as sign posts for healthy living. Thank the maker.

I feel as if I am starting to make real progress with the co-dependency. I am seeing the difference between the need to be vulnerable and to ask for help and the need to be simply needed. I must continue to remind myself that recovery is not a straight line, but that all things are what they are.

For some time now, I have not felt the need to chase the highs, but more recently I have also not felt the need to run away from the lows. I am actually finding peace in simply existing, regardless of the emotional state that I am in.

This appears to be a deepening of the spiritual connection. That I am able to separate more and more from the physical and simply acknowledge that I inhabit this body, but I am not this body. I have thoughts, feelings and actions but I am not my thoughts, feelings and actions.

By this I don’t mean that I renounce all responsibility for my actions, far from it. It means that I control my perspective and therefore control my action and my reaction to the physical and emotional stimulus I am presented with. I no longer feel compelled to control ‘out there’. I simple remain grounded and peaceful ‘in here’, and ultimately, that is all that matters.

I also reminded myself today that setting a goal is an important part of the intention manifestation process, but once the intention or goal is set, it is then more about watching for the clues and signs and allowing life to gently create the opportunities to fulfil the intention. This truly is a magical process, as I get to witness God (shared consciousness) at work.

I am also starting to see HOW my next steps are beginning to manifest. I’m not entirely sure about the WHO or the WHEN, but the WHAT and they WHY are already clear. Through patience clarity is once again beginning to emerge. I believe my task now is to remain aware and open to all possibilities, as well as starting to craft some of my own opportunities.

After all, if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

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