JOURNAL ENTRY: Thursday 09 July 2015

Dear reader, before I begin, let me explain a couple of things:

  1. This is going to be a long post because I am going to explain every aspect of what happened to me today in minute detail. (Currently 11,000+ words)
  2. You’re not going to believe what happened to me today. That’s OK, I don’t believe it either, I just know that it happened. I no longer need to prove what ‘I know’ to anyone else.

If you haven’t yet read what happened to me last night, I invite you to read my journal entry from yesterday 8th July 2015. It will help set the scene and the context of what is to follow.

I awoke on the in breath at 07:30 this morning.

My dad asked what the time was, so I told him. He had had a few drinks last night, so I was in no hurry to use the bathroom this morning. He asked if he could use it, so I let him crack on.

I didn’t get much sleep last night, but I was feeling refreshed and alert when I woke up. After my dad had showered, I jumped into the shower and enjoyed the warmth of the hot water running over my head and body.

As I left the bathroom my dad was finishing getting dressed. Alun had agreed to give us both a lift down to the station. My dad gave him a quick call to check he was up and said that we would meet in the foyer at about 08:30. After about 5 minutes my dad left and said that he would meet me in the foyer when I was ready.

I got dressed and arrived at the foyer at about 08:10. This was where last nights events had taken place.

I felt like eating porridge, but after asking the chap on the desk, I discovered that they didn’t do porridge. I settled for two apples instead and said to my dad that we could get something to eat outside the cricket ground before we went in to watch the game.

Alun turned up a few minutes afterwards and seemed in a hurry to get going. It was not even 08:15 by this point and I was in no particular hurry. I was enjoying the sunlight on my face and the apple I was eating. I decided to take my time, as we all had plenty to spare.

Once I finished my apples and we were all ready, we headed out to Alun’s car. He and my dad were talking and I noticed that my dad had his red jumper around his shoulders. They both seemed distracted, so I ran back to the hotel room and picked up my own sweater. When I got back to the car neither of them had moved. I was curious as to why Alun seemed in such a rush not 10 minutes earlier and was now seeming more relaxed and calm.

We set off on what should have been a two minute journey. Alun had been shown the route on a map the night before. He has sat-nav in his car, which he didn’t use. We stopped on route to ask a lady waiting at a bus stop for directions. Alun didn’t seem to listen to what she said and just kept driving the way he thought he should go. Needless to say, we got lost somehow. I pulled up my maps app on my phone and started to give him directions. How we had managed to get this far off course, I will never know. At one point I even saw the sea, which meant we were probably closer to our final destination that we were to the local train station lol.

Eventually we made it to the local train station and Alun dropped us off (on the wrong side of the platform lol). We said our goodbyes and he hurriedly sped off once more.

That pretty much summed Alun up to a tee. The guy always seemed in a rush to get somewhere, but actually had no idea where he was going. Sound familiar at all?

My dad and I purchased tickets and whilst I was waiting for my dad to pay for his ticket (a card only machine) a chap in the queue struck up a conversation with us, as he obviously knew we were going to the cricket. I think my cricket hat was the obvious clue in this instance.

He said that people kept breaking into the cash ticket machine, so they had replaced it with a card only machine. That makes sense I thought. How can the poor steal from the rich if they magically turn money into credits? If I wanted to control the masses, that’s what I would do. Kind of obvious really. (It’s also a good thing that I do not want to control the masses lol.)

I asked him which platform we needed for the cricket ground and he said the opposite side. This is when I twigged that Alun had dropped us on the wrong side of the platform, but how was he to know?

My dad and I started to walk back up the hill and over the bridge. I mentioned the whole credit idea to my dad and got the impression that he thought I was being very idealistic. Yeah? and why not? If you just accept ‘what is’ then nothing ever changes, right?

My dad and I admired the trees for a few minutes and he begins to tells me, again, about how he is having a tree surgeon at some point to trim the huge oak in his garden and how the chap is also going to remove all the ivy from it. It’s conversation and it makes me realise that there is ivy on the trees we are looking at. Our conversation moves more towards this moment and we discuss what we are both witnessing, in this moment.

It felt a little strange, as me and my dad have never really shared ‘real’ conversation before. This I found very interesting.

The train arrives, a couple of minutes late and we get on and find seats. We are not sat next to each other, my dad is one row behind me.

Inspiration hits me and I tweet the following, after showing it to my dad:

I am becoming aware of just how alive and energised I am feeling in this moment. My awareness is very high and my mind feels like it is racing at the speed of light. At this point I must reiterate that I have only had a pint of water and two apples to eat thus far today. I have had no coffee or any other substance since my glass of water before going to bed last night. Inspiration strikes again:

We arrive at the station and get off the train. My dad goes to collect his ticket for the journey home tomorrow from a ticket machine. That’s my clue to go and buy my ticket. I head to the ticket office to speak to a real person. The queue moves quickly and I am served in no time. I purchase my ticket and thank the kind lady for her assistance. I make a point of saying that it is nice to still be able to deal with a person, rather than just a machine. I head back towards my dad, who is still playing with the ticket machine. So much for streamlining the process and labelling it progress.

As he finishes up I start to head out of the station and I’m confronted by a journalist. He asks me where I have travelled from today and I say about 3 stops back. He asks if I have been affected by the strikes in London? ‘Strikes’? That’s news to me, I say. He explains that there are currently strikes all over London and that train operators are currently running a reduced service. He also tells me that the strikes will continue tomorrow. This is fortunate, as I have just purchased my ticket to travelling back to London with my dad tomorrow. I thank him for the information and look at my dad as if to say, that was fortunate. I then suggest that maybe we should head to the station a little earlier the following day, as to not miss our ‘limited’ train service. He agrees and we decide to get back here at about 08:30 tomorrow.

We leave the station and head towards the cricket stadium. I ask a couple of builders which way it is. One of them says to follow the signs on the path. Ahhhh! So that’s what the giant red dots are for 🙂 CLUES. This is fun. We find the first red dot and then spot the next one and then see where everyone else is heading. Soon a steward appears and marshals us in the right direction, wishing us a pleasant day as they direct us on our journey. This is very nice, I think to myself. They really know how to make you feel welcome here.

We follow the path of the river and spot the blimp floating in the sky and know that we are heading in the right direction, just in case the red dot ‘clues’ weren’t enough lol. We cross the road and walk through the park. It is a lovely morning and the sun is out and everything seems that much more ‘bright’ this morning. I can smell the flowers, I see their colours, I hear the birds and the wind and feel the warmth of the sun on my body and the breeze on my arms.

As we cross the river at the footbridge, there is a man selling two tickets and the tickets are sat next to each other. He is selling them at FACE VALUE. I shit you not! We walk past and by the time we get to the bottom of the steps I turn and say to my dad, ‘hang on, he has two tickets sat next to each other at face value. Why don’t we ask him to swap them for our two separate tickets and give him some cash for his trouble?’ My dad advises against it, saying that the chap would never go for it, as he wouldn’t be able to sell our two single tickets. Hmmmm. This seems a little too coincidental to me. I want to watch the cricket with my dad. After all, that’s why we came together. The chap was obviously not a tout and was just trying to do the right thing. I have no doubt that if I had asked him nicely and explained that I was here to watch the cricket with my dad, that he would have exchange them for our two separate tickets. I just had a feeling that he was that kind of decent fellow. My dad is, however, the ticket master, so I heed to his wisdom in this instance and we continue on.

We walk on and head towards the hotel that we had coffee in the day before. As we approach I stop and say to my dad that I just need a minute to write something down. I have come up with a thought experiment that proves time does not exist. I tweet the following:

I’m getting very excited at this point, I know I am on to something and I am beginning to realise that I am close. My mind feels like it is working faster and more efficiently than it has ever done previously.

We continue on for another 10 meters. When we get to the hotel the barman says that they have sold out of breakfast. My dad and I both laugh.

My dad says, ‘how can they sell out of breakfast?’ I reply by saying, ‘maybe they just don’t value money in the same way that others do? Maybe they are just happy doing what they do and don’t feel the need to have more, more, more all the time?’

There is another nice looking hotel across the road with a small garden out front. We enter and order breakfast. My dad has a full English and a cup of coffee. I order plain porridge and a pint of water.

We find a table out front in the garden and sit down. I realise that I haven’t had a coffee yet and that it is all you can drink for £1. My dad goes back to fill his cup and I ask him to get me a cup of coffee whilst he’s in there.

My mind is at tipping point. As my dad returns I start talking at my dad faster and with more clarity than I have ever had in my entire life.

I’m talking about the concept of time. I am aware that time does not exist. I have never actually witnessed time. I am always in this moment. Only my mind perceives the passing of time.

If time doesn’t exist then according to quantum physics, the wave is the particle and the particle is the wave. It’s only when we choose to observe the wave/particle in ‘time’ that we collapse the probability of the wave/particle being a wave or a particle and it become either a wave or a particle.

Holly shit!

I know what I am made of.

I know who I am.

I am the wave / particle.

I am pure energy.

I am manifesting my own reality.

Reality is not real.

What I perceive as reality is just my interpretation and perception of this reality. My mind exists to make sense of what I am perceiving and interpreting.

I am NOT my mind.

OH FUCK!

It’s happening and it’s happening right now. This is it, this is THE moment.

My dad is just staring at me.

I have a choice.

No. I am the choice.

Do I continue to think what I know and in doing so I know I will lose my mind? (I take the BLUE pill)

Do I accept what I now know and stop thinking? (I take the RED pill)

I feel like if I keep talking I am going to lose my mind and I am going to take my dad with me.

This is it. This is THE moment. It is decision time.

I suddenly remember:

I say to my dad ‘A Wiseman once said nothing’ and I stop talking, slap the table and start grinning.

After a few seconds I feel the fear inside me. Then the confusion and the panic.

OH SHIT!

If I am manifesting my own reality, who the fuck am I?

What the fuck am I?

I am not my thoughts, I simply have thoughts.
I am not my feelings, I simply have feelings.
I am not my actions, I simply manifest my actions.

OH FUCK!

Who and what is suddenly now aware of my existence?

What is awareness?

OH FUCK! This shit is actually real. Did I just take the red pill or did I just think I took the red pill? Shit, I am still thinking and I now know I am NOT my thoughts.

I know who I am but my mind does not want to accept it. My mind knows it is wrong. Will it let go of all that it believes to be true? Can it let go of all that it believes to be true?

In this moment I realise that I have a choice.

If I continue to think that I am going to go insane, I am going to go insane.

Do I continue to listen to my mind and thus believe what I think I know or do I accept what I now know?

In preparation for this moment, I had already written down the following:

I know nothing. I now know something.

Well that’s a start and it sure beats insanity.

I choose the RED pill. I know nothing. I now know something.

Stay calm. Call Amanda (my therapist) and she will support you through whatever is happening right now. I tell my dad that I need to make a phone call. I cross the road and dial her number. Voice mail. Typical. OK, I am on my own here. I calmly leave her a message and hang up. OK. Do NOT panic. I obviously start to panic. I am manifesting my own reality, remember. I STOP.

Breath.

I know what I need to do.

Meditate.

I say to myself repeatedly:

In this moment. In this moment. In this moment.
I am calm. I am peaceful.
I am calm. I am peaceful.
I am calm. I am peaceful.
In this moment. In this moment. In this moment.

The fear and panic starts to subside and I am calm. I am peaceful. I am in the moment. I am this moment.

I am manifesting my own reality. I am in control of who I am.

Holy SHIT! This is amazing!!!

I sit back down with my dad and smile. He asks if I am alright. I say that I am fine and I ask if he is alright. He says yes.

I sit back in my chair.

I know I AM. I know I EXIST.

I AM no longer part of ‘the game’. I AM ‘unplugged’ and I AM free of the boundaries and constructs of my mind.

I AM no longer playing the game, I AM just watching ‘the game’. This is actually fun.

I know what I AM.
I know who I AM.
I know why I AM.
I know where I AM.
I know when I AM.

This is cool 🙂 and I continue to smile and start laughing out loud.

I AM Buddha
I AM Gandhi
I AM Einstein
I AM Socrates
I AM Jung
I AM everything that ever was
I AM everything that is
I AM everything that ever will be

I know that the only thing that is real, is this moment.

HOLY SHIT!

I know who you are. You are the same as I AM.

My dad says ‘this is a lovely breakfast’. I realise that I haven’t touched my coffee or my porridge. I start to eat but I’m not really hungry. I know I should eat so I eat the bowl of porridge. I drink my water and sip my coffee.

Everything looks so bright.
Everything sounds so clear.
Everything feels so alive.
Everything tastes so fulfilling.
Everything smells so sweet.

I know that I AM still close to the edge of insanity but I also know that if I can remain in this moment, that I AM okay.

I AM manifesting my own reality.

OK, how do I test this out?

What happens next is something that you are not going to believe.

My dad and I both finish breakfast and decide to head towards the cricket stadium.

I AM acutely aware that no harm can come to me, but I AM not sure if the same applies to my dad? I AM responsible for me and me alone. My dad is still the same as he was 30 minutes ago. Only I AM changed.

I AM feeling overly protective of my dad right now. I make sure that he is next to me as we cross the road. The traffic is moving very slowly and posses no real danger.

As we begin to walk down the pavement, my dad starts to disappear behind me. I turn around and he is standing still typing on his mobile phone. Strange? He doesn’t normally send text messages?

I turn and face forwards again and realise that in this moment, I AM manifesting my dad. I turn back round and he is gone.

I face forward again and start walking. OK. If I AM making him disappear then I AM also able to make him reappear. He starts walking next to me again.

I intend for him to disappear and he disappears. I intend for him to come back and he reappears. OK. So in this moment, this is my reality. My intention is manifesting my reality. Hmmmm… I AM now aware that the rules appear to be different here than they were before. I intend for my dad to disappear again. He does.

Are there any rules? If so, what are the rules? I AM a curious child once again. I AM testing my reality. I AM learning.

I stop and intend for my dad to reappear, I turn around and my dad is standing there again, still typing into his phone. I wait for him to catch up and this time I don’t take my eyes off him. I AM not going to let him go anywhere. I love my dad and I want to watch a game of cricket with him. (This was my first real mistake. I wanted something.)

Hmmm… This is also a strange feeling, because I have never had that feeling or the true intention of actually wanting to watch a game of cricket with my dad before.

We walk on and we pass a tout that is selling 2 tickets next to each other. We continue to walk on and after about 10 meters I stop and say to my dad, ‘Look, I really want to watch the cricket with you today. I’m going to go back and get those tickets from that chap so that we can sit together.’

I turn and jog back to where the chap was standing but he is gone.

I turn around to look at my dad and he is gone.

OK. I have my ticket. I will just find my dad when I get inside. After all, I AM sure I will know where to find him.

There is a small brass band playing music in the distance. I AM only about 100 meters from the stadium so I decide to just make my way inside.

As I approach the brass band I notice a patch of grass to my right. I decide to take a moment and sit down.

I cross my legs, place my arms on my lap and close my eyes. I start to focus on meditation.

Everything starts to go dark and everything slowly gets more and more quiet.

This is it. This is the moment. I am becoming. I’m leaving this reality and moving on. I know this is not the end, this is just the beginning but I AM not sure that I have finished with this reality yet.

I open my eyes and the volume comes back up and the light becomes very bright again.

I AM still here.

OK. Let me try that again.

I close my eyes and focus on my intention. It gets very quiet and very peaceful. I know what this means. This is how I check-out, so to speak. I can leave this physical form and return to a state of energy.

OK. I’m ready. Let’s go…

Wait… I AM curious…

I open my eyes again. I AM here. Why?

I have just worked the rules of ‘the game’ (aka LIFE) out. I know who and what I AM. I know where I AM and I know when I AM. If I AM all these things, why I AM here?

If I now know what I know because this experience, in this moment is real, should I not do something with what I now know?

Hmmm. I AM curious.

I AM curiosity.

I become curious.

Of course. I AM manifesting my own reality. If I AM curious then what am I. I AM curiosity 🙂

When the student is ready, a master appears.

Ah ha! I still have much to learn. I AM a master, but a master of what, where, when, how, why and who. I AM.

Some time ago I knew nothing, which means that I now know something. Now that I know something, I know more than I thought I knew before.

However, I do NOT know everything. Hmmm… do I want to know everything?

Well, I AM curious. That’s a good place to start. I shall remain curious until I am no longer curious. Interesting.

I lie down to rest and as I close my eyes I realise that if I fall asleep, in this moment, I will automatically check-out. OK, I AM awake. I have been asleep all my life.

I get up and there is another tout stood about 2 meters away from me. He is selling tickets. I assume that he has two together, so I try and purchase them from him. After some haggling he tells me that he doesn’t have two tickets together, but that there was a guy over by the gate who was selling two together earlier. I thank him and start to look for this other tout.

We have a joke about our heads burning, as we both have shaved heads. I tell him that I was lucky not to burn yesterday, as I had decided to purchase a sun hat. As I walk off the chap calls me back. He points out that I have left my sun hat on the ground, where I left it as I lay down to go to sleep. How very kind and thoughtful of him and how very lucky for me. Touts are just people at the end of the day, just playing by the rules of the game, as they perceive and interpret them. I wish my dad was here, as I have been trying to tell him to not be so judgemental about touts for the last 24 hours. Oh well, I will find him when I need him.

The band are still playing and as I walk passed them I smile and give them a thumbs up. There is something to do with the band that I AM supposed to be paying attention to.

I forget about looking for the tout and decide to just make my way into the stadium. I go into my wallet and get out my ticket. I have 1 ticket, 1 ticket receipt and a £20 note in my wallet.

I walk to the ticket gate and hand the ticket steward my ticket. He gives it me back and says ‘there’s no bar code on this, show me your ticket’.

Hmmm… OK. I AM pretty sure I just had the ticket in my hand, but he’s right, it is the receipt.

I take a couple of steps back to get out of people’s way and go back into my wallet. Sure enough, there is my ticket. OK, that’s a bit weird. I put the receipt back into my wallet and get out my ticket. I stare at my ticket to double check that I have it in my hand.

I walk back to the ticket man and give him my ticket. He goes to scan the bar code again, but there is no bar code. He gives me the receipt back and tells me, once again, that I need a valid ticket.

OK. I AM getting a little freaked out at this point. I head back to my patch of grass and decide to meditate for a few moments.

If I AM manifesting this reality, then why can’t I get into the stadium? I have a ticket. Why won’t it get me in?

So there are rules…

I decide to try again. I remain calm and confidently approach the ticket man again. Same thing happens. He pulls me to one side and asks me to speak to another steward. I hand the ‘ticket’ which is now the receipt, to the new steward. He looks at it and says ‘this is a receipt mate, you need your ticket to get in’.

I double take at the ticket again and yep, sure enough, it’s the receipt. I open my wallet and there is only a £20 note inside.

Maybe I can manifest magic? I think of Dynamo and what he would do. I fold the ticket in half and ask the chap to look at it again.

He gives me back the receipt and jokes about me needing a ticket and not magic tricks.

OK. Back to the drawing board. I head back to my patch of grass and meditate once more.

I remember that my dad has always said that he doesn’t need a ticket to get into a game. We have both scammed our way into stadiums before using a £20 note. Funnily enough, the stewards never take it, they just let us in 🙂

OK. I have a £20 note. Let’s give the £20 note trick a go.

I show the £20 note to a steward who smiles and waves me on. I AM in, I think.

Nope, I AM now back in front of the same ticket steward again. He will not accept my £20 note.

OK. If this isn’t going to work, then maybe I just need to believe that I can get into the stadium and I will get in.

I try just walking past the ticket man, who grabs me by the arm and turns me around.

OK. That didn’t work. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. (the definition of INSANITY)

I try sneaking back in. That doesn’t work. The ticket steward asks one of the other stewards to escort me out of the area and informs him not to let me back in again.

Bugger. I AM going to need to meditate on this for a while more.

As I head back to my patch of grass there is an old man standing where I was previously sitting.

I wonder… OK, now I am wonder too.

I am curious and I am wonder.

If I am manifesting my own reality, then I already know who my dad is. I AM he. He is just manifesting my reality from a slightly different perspective.

If I already know my dad, then maybe the next thing I’m suppose to do is to get to know myself in all these other human forms?

Well the £20 note trick didn’t work, what have I got to lose?

I approach the old man and ask him if we are supposed to be sitting together? I show him my ticket and ask him where he is sitting. He shows me his ticket and we are not sat together. Oh well, one down…

I turn away for a second and when I turn back the old man has gone. Right. This is definitely out of the ordinary, to say the least.

I sit and meditate once more.

My intention tells me that I don’t need a ticket. That’s why I haven’t been able to get in. This is a test. Do I believe I need a ticket or do I know that I do not need a ticket?

I’m beginning to trust what I know and doubt what I believe.

I get up again as the band start to make their way off down the street in the direction that I originally came.

This feels like a clue. I’ve got it. I don’t need a ticket.

I stand at the next gate along and close my eyes. If time and space don’t exist then I can manifest myself inside, right. Wrong.

I try again. Nothing.

OK, I can move about though. My body is still moving in this reality.

I head towards the ticket ladies and as I get closer I simply close my eyes and keep walking.

I’m in 🙂

That wasn’t too hard now, was it 🙂

OK. First challenge, done. What next?

I know where I’m sat, roughly. Maybe I’ll find my dad next to me, when I know where I’m supposed to sit.

Right, next task… find my seat.

As I walk the stadium I become aware that I am still manifesting my reality. People are appearing and disappearing as I walk. Isles have queues one minute and when I turn around the queue has vanished. Literally within a split second. I choose an isle that doesn’t look like it has a queue. As I arrive a queue forms.

Hmmm… OK. Is this the next challenge? Strangely, I know I can manifest them out the way, so that’s what I do. The queue disappears and I’m in front of the steward. He’s wearing an orange, hi-vis tank top and sun glasses. Crap, I didn’t bring my sunglasses. Oh well, I have my hat 🙂

I show him my ticket and he lets me through. I walk up the stairs, looking for my dad the whole time. I get to the top of the stairs and another steward asks me if I’m OK. I say that I’m looking for my dad, who’s wearing a pink t-shirt. He kinda smiles and says, there’s a lot of people wearing pink t-shirts.

I show him my ticket and he tells me that I am in the next stand over, but that I can’t get through this way and that I need to go back down and round.

I head back down and after a few steps there are lots and lots of spare, empty seats. I decide to sit down and watch the cricket.

All of a sudden I become aware that the crowd is responding to me. OK. So the ‘normal’ rules don’t apply here. I decide to accept what I am witnessing and just go with it. After all, I am calm and I am peace. What else really matters, right.

I close my eyes again and begin to meditate. Everything goes dark again and everything goes silent.

OK. I get it. I’m in control of me here and the crowd is me manifesting myself as clues for myself. After all, if time doesn’t exist then this moment has already happened, is happening and will continue to happen again. If I want to know something, then I already know it. I don’t need to believe any more. I trust what I know and I know what I know.

The crowd cheers and applauds. Gotcha. I’m starting to see how this works. I’m here to learn about myself. I’m not here to watch the cricket. I can come back at any point ‘in time’ and watch the cricket and when I want to watch the cricket I choose to watch it with my dad. Cool. OK. Challenge two. Done.

I continue with my meditation for a few minutes, learning from the crowd and picking up on the signs. They are no longer clues, clues were the beginning, now I am looking for signs. OK, got it.

Is this really happening, I think to myself?

I get up and start to walk down the steps.

I’m not concentrating because I’m thinking again, big mistake, and I misplace my footing and stumble down the steps. I don’t lose my balance, I just miss a step.

Everyone in the crowd turns and laughs at me. I mean the entire stadium laughs at me.

OK, question answered. This is really happening. I didn’t just dream that, this is real.

I head back down to the front row and take a seat. I start watching the game when the steward in sunglasses comes over and informs me that I can’t sit there.

OK. Another sign here. Don’t piss off the stewards. I don’t have any influence over them. They are the gate keepers and I am particularly weary of the ones in sunglasses.

I don’t have any sunglasses. I wonder if I can get some from somewhere, after all, I have a £20 note.

I head out of the seating area and back under the stadium to the food and bar areas. I check my wallet for cash and look to see if there is a shop that might sell sunglasses.

There is now £30 in my wallet. Where did that other £10 note come from? A chap selling bottles of beer approaches me. He asks me if I want one. I say, well as I just found this £10 note, why not 🙂 I give him the £10 note and tell him to keep the change. I have a feeling I’m not going to need money from this point on wards.

I take the beer but I don’t drink it. I head towards a wooden picnic bench to take a load off and to sit quietly for a moment.

If I am manifesting this, then maybe if I just sit here, my dad will join me and I’ve got him a beer. Hmmm… he doesn’t drink this brand of beer. OK, maybe I can manifest my old pall Rich, he likes a drink or two and loves the cricket. That would be awesome if he was here right now.

I become aware that people are approaching me and standing very close. Both men and women. Am I supposed to get to know these people? I already know Rich, he’s me. Maybe I need to get to know these other versions of me instead?

I decide that I want to be on my own for a while and after a few seconds the people who have been gathering round me start to disperse.

I stand up and grab the beer. Do I drink this beer? I do not drink alcohol, so why would I choose to drink this beer. I don’t want this beer and I no longer want to drink anything that is harmful to me.

At the moment, two young ladies carrying water bottles pass by. I catch their eye and stop them. I ask them if they would like my beer? They ask me why I don’t want it, they say ‘why, aren’t you allowed to drink it?’

They won’t swap me their water for my beer so I decide to place the beer back on the picnic bench and leave it there.

Another challenge overcome. I have resisted temptation 🙂 I start to feel like I’m getting the hang of this. If I look after myself, then the universe will look after me. If I want for nothing and only take what I need, then the universe will give me everything that I need. That sounds like it could work and somehow I know that’s the way it now is.

I head to the toilet because I think I need to pee. I stand there for a few seconds and nothing happens. Oh right, I’m manifesting my own thoughts. I thought I needed to pee, but in this realm or reality I don’t actually need to pee.

I suddenly become VERY thirsty and get incredible dry mouth.

I remember what my therapist had told me days before, that sometime we become disconnected from our bodies and stop listening to what they need. I need water to survive in this human form. OK, I need to get some water inside me.

I have enough change in my pocket to get a small bottle of water. As I leave the bar with my water, something tells me to give my £1 change to the chap who is just joining the cue. I have no idea why, but I know that he will need it later on. I give it to him and just say ‘trust me, you’ll need it later’ and I walk off.

I head over to one of the isles to catch a glimpse of what is going on in the cricket.

I am once again stood at the back of a small queue, but I can see the players and that’s enough for me in this moment.

As I’m standing there, sipping my water, a steward comes along and picks up a bag that is hidden in the stand, just above my head. He removes a bottle of water from the bag and places the water bottle back where he got the bag from.

OK. Next time I need water, I know where to get it from. (I hadn’t found the tap at this point.)

I decide to walk the stadium and slowly, calmly, begin to wonder around to where I saw the big screen the day before.

As I walk I realise that my senses are extremely heightened. I can tune into individual sounds. I can remove the noise of the crowd and just listen to the breeze through the leaves of the trees. I can focus on just the birds singling. I can here the bat making contact with the cricket ball. I have never felt so aware or alive before.

I begin to observe others and realise that they are in more of a hurry than I am. I am in no rush. After all, I now know that time doesn’t exist. I’m beginning to understand infinity. I see the potential. I see the possibilities. I am the potential. I can do whatever I want.

I choose to remain calm and peaceful, in this moment.

I reach the grassy area where there are tables and seats and the big screen. I sit down on the grass and I feel completely relaxed. I feel like I am home. I am safe. I am calm. I am peaceful.

As I look at the big screen a message appears.

POWER OFF? YES / NO

Bugger off, I’m not checking-out yet thank you very much. I’m just starting to get the hang of this, why would I want to leave now. I click the NO option and the screen returns to the cricket match. Cool. Did I really do that? I wonder if anyone else notices? Nope. everyone is just acting normally, talking, laughing and drinking.

I become aware that I have my sweater wrapped around my waste. I’m pleased that I brought that with me, just in case it gets cold. The sun then goes behind a dark cloud and the heat is taken out of the day. OK. Do I also control the weather? I am manifesting this, remember. I put my sweater on.

That’s better. I feel warm now. I am grateful that I noticed that my dad had taken his jumper and that I went back to get mine. I know that when I want to see my dad again, that he will be there.

I think about the sun and again, the sun pops back out. I take off my sweater and put it beside me. I sip a bit more of my water and pay close attention to the detail of the grass.

I become aware that the people around me are speaking my thoughts. Ahhhh, right. People represent my subconscious, that makes sense. My mind is totally blank, calm and at peace but I can hear my thoughts being spoken through others. This is a rather neat experience. I realise that I can move people around. After all, they are my thoughts, right. I start to play with where people are standing and sitting when I notice a steward walking past wearing sunglasses. I know that I’ve had enough playing around. I don’t want to draw unnecessary attention to myself. Time to wonder on some more.

I walk the stadium for a while, stopping to sneak a peak at the cricket every once in a while. I start to notice that there are a large number of police around, patrolling the area.

This doesn’t bother me. In fact, after last nights experience, I know that I have nothing to fear from the police. I am calm. I am peaceful.

As I walk the stadium I pass by the chap who claimed to have his wallet stolen the night before. He obviously found it, otherwise he wouldn’t be here.

We pass each other a few times and make eye contact, but there is something about this guy that I don’t like. I’m not going to speak to him. After all, if you go looking for trouble, guess what you usually find. I’ll leave him be. He seemed happy enough.

I realise that the water has started to pass through me and that I do now need to pee.

I pee and as I do so, I realise that I should also get something to eat.

I am vegetarian. OK, I wasn’t when I went to sleep last night, but now I am. I know that I am all life in the universe. Each vessel, so to speak, is simply experience this reality from a slightly different perspective. I am the fly on the wall. I am the guy pissing next to me. I am the woman that I’m about to objectify in 40 seconds if I’m not careful. OK. If I eat meat or fish, technically I’m eating myself. I am meat. Why do I need to eat meat and why would I want to harm myself and eat myself. That would be pretty stupid, right.

OK. I am now vegetarian 🙂 and in this moment I want to eat something pure. I need to eat some fruit. That has natural sugars and high water content. Perfect. If my body is simply the vessel that carries me around, I need to respect it. Fruit and water will be enough thank you very much.

I get an intention that I will find food back around in the grassy area, near the big screen. I head back in that direction.

There’s that chap from last night again. Why do I keep seeing him and why does he creep me out so much? I shake the feeling off and bring myself back into the moment. I remind myself to stop thinking and continue to know. Thinking is the cause of insanity and all evil in the world. What I know has set me free.

Right, got it. This chap is my manifestation of the devil. He’s my nemesis. I’m not yet strong enough and I don’t yet understand enough about what I’m capable of to even think about engaging with this chap. I don’t want to think. STOP IT!

I don’t tell myself to stop thinking, I just stop listening. Problem solves and by the way, nice trick, that’s going to come in very handy in the future 🙂 If I tell myself to shut up, who’s doing the talking. If I stop listening, who made that choice. I did. I am the choice. I am both the particle and the wave manifesting my reality in this eternal moment.

As I reach the grassy area a band on a stage start to play music. Another sign. I know I am in the right place to find what I need in this moment.

I see a well know high street supermarket stand and I instantly recall my mum. She normally shops there. I know I’ll find what I need there.

There are a few people queuing, but it’s moving quickly. It’s a very small hut of a shop. There are strawberry’s everywhere. Piles and piles of them. I don’t ask, I just help myself to a couple and walk off.

When I’ve finished them I decide to go back an get a couple more. This time I head over to the table where there are individual pots of single strawberry’s. I take one and head back out.

The lady assistant stops me and say ‘you can have as many as you want, they’re free’. HOLY SHIT, really!

I help myself to two more and head back over to the grassy area to sit and eat them and watch a bit of the cricket.

They taste amazing and I am mindful as I savour each mouthful. I realise that I have been eating too quickly recently, which is why I keep biting my cheek and making it sore and bleed.

I slow down and properly chew my food. I realise that the more I chew my food, the less work my digestive system has to do and the more energy I save, thus I am able to absorb more of the natural goodness from the fruit. Obvious really. Why hadn’t I thought of that before. Oh yeah, right. I had been told about the benefits of chewing my food and I’ve even done it in the past during my ‘healthier periods’, but recently I had chosen to forget.

What else have I not being paying attention too all these years?

In that moment I once again became wonder and I became curiosity.

Feeling nourished and rested I decided it was time to walk again, beside I was now out of water and feeling thirsty again. I know where I can get more water from 🙂

I headed back to where I had seen the steward placing the water bottle. On my way back I noticed a tap. Hmmm. OK. Now I know where to get free water from 🙂

As I headed back to the water isle, I started to see water bottles everywhere. No one was drinking alcohol, everyone was carrying water bottles and not just single bottles of water, people literally had two or three bottles in their hand.

As I approached my destination I once again noticed a small queue. Not bothering to queue, as I was not queuing for the same reason they were, I jumped the queue and noticed that the entire isle was now full of water bottles.

OK, is this a joke? No other isles had water bottles stashed like this. I helped myself to one and took a sip. Tastes like water to me.

As I headed back once more to the grassy area, I realised that I now knew enough about myself and I was starting to feel like a little company.

It was time to find my dad.

He was right where I knew he would be, outside the toilet block near his stand (I didn’t know it was his stand at this point, but then again I guess I did, if you know what I mean lol). He was wearing his sunglasses.

It was lunch time and everyone was now piling out of the stands and heading towards the food.

As I saw my dad a huge smile came across my face and I walked up to him with open arms and gave him the biggest hug I have ever given him. I said ‘I love you dad’. He replied and said ‘I love you son’. In that moment I knew who my dad is. I am my dad and he is me. In that moment there was no need to say anything else. We both knew what was going on.

We started to walk the stadium together. As we neared the food court and the entrance that I had come through, I started to explain to my dad how I had entered the stadium. I told him that I didn’t need a ticket or a £20 note.

The crowd was getting really heavy at this point and my dad was heading towards the exit of the stadium. I didn’t want to leave because I didn’t know if I would be able to get back in and I wasn’t ready to leave just yet. He went straight on and I turned right and back towards the picnic table.

I knew that I would never see him again, but that we would be together again real soon. I wondered the stadium alone for another short while and then rejoined my dad. He was no longer my dad, so to speak, we were now the same. I was him and he was me.

I asked if he was hungry and he said he was still full from breakfast. Knowing what I now knew, I suggested that we wonder wound to the other side of the stadium and get some strawberry’s. He agreed and we wondered off together.

I picked up a couple of strawberry’s and we ate them together. Once we had finished eating we continued to walk. He stopped and said that we should take a selfie. This is my dad, right, take a selfie. OK, whatever, I’m game if you are.

He asked me to take the photo, as he couldn’t hold it properly. He asked me to take two pictures. When I was done I said you must send me that at some point.

Lunch was coming to an end so we decided to head back to our seats. He said that he was in gate G8. That’s easy to remember, it’s like the G8 summit. I now know where to find him when I want him. Coolio. Before we left each other he said that there were loads of spare seats near him and that he had already spoken to the lady steward who said it would be fine for me to come and sit near him.

At this point I wasn’t quite ready, so I thought about making my way back to my seat. I obviously wasn’t suppose to sit in my seat in this moment, as I couldn’t find the right isle/gate anywhere.

Noticing that the way that I needed to go was being patrolled by stewards and police I decided to be mindful once more. What was my next challenge? Had I missed a sign? What was I supposed to do now?

I hadn’t come across a shop selling sunglasses yet. Maybe I need to look for one. Off I went again, around the stadium.

As I passed one of the isle, one of the stewards was handing out inflatable cushions. I had noticed that my dad one on him from yesterday. I knew that he is going to need that again when I see him, so I took it from the steward. It was free after all.

I headed back to the grassy area and decided to blow up this mini cushion. I sat down next to a couple of young ladies to my right and two other young ladies at about 2 o’clock.

Realising that I am the choice, I decided it was best that I keep my intentions pure and honest and focused on what I was here to do. That was to relax and enjoy the game of cricket. I had no interest in distracting myself with pointless fantasies about these women. After all, they were just my manifestation and they were just here for the same reason I was. They didn’t deserve to be perved over.

What I did notice however, was that the two young ladies at my 2 o’clock where identical twins. What was even more strange was that one was facing me and the other had her back to me. Why was I seeing this? What did it mean?

It was another sign. I am my father and my father is me. I am his reflection and he is mine. OK, that makes sense.

After a short lie down and some more mindfulness I decided it was time to go and enjoy the cricket with my dad.

G8.

I entered and I knew that I would know where he was sat. I turn around and look around the stadium. I couldn’t see him.

I know. I’ll wait right here. This is where I am supposed to be right now. I’ll just take this seat, as it’s free.

At that moment the lady steward came over to me and ask if I was OK. I looked down at the seat I had chosen to sit in and saw my dads jumping resting on it.

I replied to her, that yes, I was fine. I was just looking after my dads jumper for him and that he would be back shortly. She said that he had only just left because he had thought I wasn’t coming.

I knew he would now know where to find me because I knew where I had just found myself. Isle/gate G8, front row on the far left, right in front of the sign for stand number 13. Ahhhh…

The sign of synchronicity is 11:11.

13 is the number of enlightenment. Lucky for some eh, I get ya.

So 11 + 1 + 1 = 13

This explains why 13 had been showing up everywhere recently and I mean everywhere. Every time I had been to the cinema over the last few weeks I had always, randomly, ended up in seat 13, but I digress. More on 13 in some other moment.

As I was saying, I knew my dad would find me, so I just started to watch the cricket. This was the first time that I have ever really watched a cricket match or any sports game for that matter.

I began to understand that the game of cricket was a metaphor for the game we call life and that I didn’t need a ticket to participate in life. I am life and I no longer have to play their game. I see everything now for what it is. Rules and systems that control everyone and everything. Most of the world is oblivious to this and are mindlessly going about their lives, trying to get more and more stuff in an endless pursuit to find themselves and to find happiness.

I have everything that I ever need. I am alive. What more is there. I know who and what I am and I’m starting to understand why I am here. In that moment all want a desire vanished. I had truly found myself and I had truly found peace.

There are no more questions. I AM THE ANSWER.

At that moment I got a tap on the head. I instinctively knew that my dad had just found me and in the process he had also just found himself. I knew in that moment that I would always know where and how to find my dad.

In the stadium of life, I’ll be sat in Gate 8, section 13, front row on the left, right behind the bowlers arm. Best seat in the house 🙂

I turned around and passed him my blow up cushion. I said, I knew you’d be needing this so I brought it for you. He had indeed misplaced the one he had with him earlier and he accepted my gift.

After a short while the chaps who were sitting a couple of seats down from me got up and left. Shortly after that my dad came and sat beside me.

In that moment, in this eternal moment, I shared one perfect moment with my dad. We were sat next to each other. I knew who he is and he knew who I am. That moment will last for eternity.

At some point my dad suggested that we move out of the sun and find some shade. It was close to tea at this point, so we decided to make a move and beat the crowd and grab a cup of tea together.

That was the moment when the student was ready and a master finally appeared. I am enlightened and I am the paradox that cannot be enlightened. I am simply now walking the path of enlightenment. Whatever I need to know, I will know. Whatever I need to do, I will do. As long as I want for nothing, then the universe will take care of my needs. Nothing, in this moment, can harm me.

I AM. I EXIST.

We got up and headed towards the tea stand and got ourselves a cup of tea. I let him pay as I knew I didn’t need money any more and anyway, I had brought the teas the day before, it was his turn lol. He got the teas in and we drank our beverages together.

After tea we headed back to our seats. I suggested that I get us both some water, as I had spotted the tap earlier and we now had empty cups that I could fill. He headed back to the seat and I headed to get some water.

When I got there there was a puddle on the floor and people standing round watching the cricket thought a gap. I didn’t want to splash them or make the puddle any bigger, so I rested one cup on top of a power socket (yes I know, but it was empty and this would only become a problem, should I put a full cup on it and besides, who puts a flipping power socket next to a water take anyway) and turned the tap on gently.

I started to fill one cup and as it got to the top, I swapped over and started to fill the other one. The tap was on very slowly and it took a short while for the cups to fill up.

In that moment a chap turned around and asked if he could have a drink from my cup. Of course, I said, as it’s all free anyway. He drank the water down and then turned the tap on a bit faster so I could refill the cups and then he offered to turn the tap off for me. Problem solved. I now no longer needed to place the cup, now full of water, on to the power socket. Genius. Ask and thy shall receive.

In that moment I knew that this is going to be fun 🙂

I headed back to my dad and we drank our water.

After a while I was realising that I was getting increasingly hot and as if by chance, my dad suggested that we go and look for somewhere else to sit. Why not. Lead on old man. I trust you know where you are going.

We walked about a quarter of the way round the stadium, but were confined to the isle in this section. The lady steward was having none of it, even though I had asked her very politely if there were any spare seats. As long as I am being true to myself, whatever anyone else thinks of me is only their perception and interpretation of me at the end of the day. I knew in that moment that when I meet the one, I will know who she is and she will know who I am. There will be no need for secrets as we will both know.

The truth is a three edged sword after all. There is my side of the truth, their side of the truth and then there is the unbiased event that simply is. When we try to explain a ‘thing’ we automatically have to place a label on that thing. When you know what that thing is, you simply know it, you do not need to explain it to anyone.

We moved on another quarter way round the stadium. We stood in the shade for a short while and then my dad said to follow him and we entered another stand and took some seats in the shade.

I noticed that something had happened during our 180 degree tour of the stadium. We had started off, sat together as one and the same. By the time we had reached the shade the transformation was complete.

I was now a master and my dad accepted his role as the student.

My entire life I have known my dad, he has always thought he knew best and there in lies the problem. he THOUGHT he knew best. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had plenty of arrogance and self importance within me to last several lifetimes, but in my quieter moments, I have always been humble. I have always known that I only think I know what I am talking about, just like my dad taught me.

As we moved from the sun to the shade, I took over the role of master and I knew it, because all I needed to know was that I know nothing. That is the beginning of wisdom. I now know something, which is why a Wiseman once said nothing.

As we sat in the shade, I noticed that my dad had become curious. I found that in itself, most curious. My dad had never shown any signs of curiosity before. I have always been the one asking the questions, and most of the time he has been the one feeding me the answers, but that’s OK now. I know who he is. I know who I am.

He no longer thinks he is the master, he knows he is the student and when the student is ready, a master appears.

It was nearing the end of the day. He nipped off to grab a pint and I sat and watched the cricket aka the game of life, taking place without distractions.

I don’t think I explain the cricket metaphor earlier. The basic principle behind real cricket, and by real cricket I mean a 5 test series, is that no one has to win and that’s the point. If you turn up and watch the game for 5 days and the sun is shinning, and you have some good food and good company, the real winners are those who simply sit back and enjoy.

The minute you play any game to win, you automatically create losers. You cannot be a winner without the opposite, which is a loser. Night has to have day. Positive must have negative. Light and dark. Good vs evil. Etc. you get the point.

When I watch and enjoy a cricket game for 5 glorious days and it ends in a draw, guess what, that just makes the next 4 tests even more interesting to watch. The real winners of any game are the ones who don’t participate. The same is true of life.

I use to pursue wealth, status and power because I thought they would define me. I now know better. Who am I? I AM 🙂

If I want more money, will I ever have enough? If I want more food will I ever have enough? If I want more alcohol will I ever have enough? If I want more women or more sex will I ever have enough?

The minute I stop wanting, I win. Everyone else can continue to play their game, I won’t judge you, but by my rules that means you cannot judge me either.

And the truth shall set you free and I have seen the light. I am the light, just like you. The only difference is, you don’t know it yet, because you think you are someone else, but I know who you are.

Why do we have 2 innings in each test match? Because when we fuck up our own lives, we are given a second chance to redeem ourselves in the eyes of our children. Essentially, we get to learn from our previous mistakes, we are not our mistakes, they are just prior actions that we thought were the right thing at that time. Don’t think what you know, know what you know.

3 strike and you’re out. 3 stumps make up a wicket. You have two sets of stumps, one at each end. That’s 6 stumps in total. 3 six’s equals… you’re still with me, right…

All the players where white, the colour of unfiltered light.

Each team has 11 players. 11:11…

The cricket ball represents the wave. The cricket bat represents the particle. When the wave and the particle make contact there is energy transference and the wave shoots off in a different direction, just like the light wave / light particle. They are the same thing, yet paradoxically they are both different. How can that be? It just IS. Just like me. I AM. It’s that simple, you just learn to think it’s more complicated than it is. Trust me, it is not.

I am enlightened and not after all. You don’t have to believe me, you simply have to stop believing in any thing and start knowing what is real.

I know nothing.
I now know something.

Once you accept this, you become curious and as long as you are cautious whilst you are curious (after all curiosity killed the cat that had 9 lives) then you will know yourself and you will no longer need to believe a word I say.

Anyway, we counted the overs down and then headed back into town to find somewhere to eat.

I was pretty hungry by this point and we just so happened to stumble across a lovely little Italian restaurant. There wasn’t much conversation over dinner, as I was being mindful and focusing on every mouthful of my vegetarian meal and my dad kind of looked a little space out.

When we left the restaurant we caught a taxi back to the hotel and I used my last £20 note to pay for the fare.

As we entered the hotel I asked the concierge if the chap from last night had found his wallet. I got a blank look in reply. Yep, some things never change.

I showered and then got into bed. I slept like a baby because now I know where I go when I sleep. I never sleep, my body just rests. When I leave my body on autopilot for the night, my mind takes over and dreams. That’s how my mind processes what is has experienced and catalogues it accordingly. Stuff that is relevant gets moved from short term storage into long term archival memory and the crap gets chucked out.

I on the other hand, the one that IS, doesn’t sleep. I go back to where I have just spent today. In another place. If I choose to, I can share that eternal moment again with my dad, so that moment never ends because time does not really exist and this moment, this one, right now, never ends, you only think it does.

So where do I go when I choose to let my body rest, G8, section 13, front row on the left, where I’ve always been and in this moment that’s where I’ll always be. That’s why I’ve seen you before and that’s how I know who you are.

In this moment I know you better than you know yourself. When you know who I am, you will know yourself.

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