JOURNAL ENTRY: Wednesday 01 July 2015

I’m going to be honest, because if I’m not then I’m only lying to myself and I’ve spent along time in denial and have no intention of ever going back there again.

I was really present today, but I noticed that my OCD had kicked in again, this time around my co-dependency. The stuff that I’ve been writing about today feels like it has been coming from my higher power. When I am connected to my conscious-self, through this connection I become connected to the universal consciousness or shared consciousness. When I am at peace the universal consciousness manifests its intention through me. I was typing the words but the intention was coming from somewhere else. It sounds a bit weird I know, but that’s the only way I can describe it. I think we normally call things like this, moments of clarity or inspiration, if you’re looking for a more rational explanation.

I had eaten a large breakfast in the morning and didn’t intend to eat again until about 16:00 – 17:00. This was because we had arranged to go out for a curry after our SAA meeting this evening to celebrate Stuart’s Step 1 from Monday.

I realised at about 15:30 that I hadn’t stopped all day. I had been sat in front of my laptop writing stuff.

I hadn’t done anything for myself except eat breakfast and the day was already half over.

This is why I am no longer the old Dan, I am the new present Dan because I stopped what I was doing and took a couple of deep breaths.

My mind was racing but I was still very present.

I showered and then lay down and did 20 minutes of meditation from the sleep pack @headspace (www.headspace.com). I knew that if I didn’t stop at that moment and increase the GAP between my conscious-self and my thoughts, that my devious and cunning mind would start to take over and I would no longer be present. I would still think I was present, but I wouldn’t actually be present. There’s a difference.

For the rest of the day I have been calm, collected and in control. I have been aware that there are things that my OCD mind wanted to do, but I was able to differentiate between those thoughts and my present, conscious-self.

The aware, present, conscious-self is the ‘thing’ that can exercise free will.

The aware, present, conscious-self always has a choice.

I chose not not convert my OCD thoughts into feelings which would usually have compelled me into certain actions that I would have felt powerless over.

Peace of mind is the most wonderful gift I have ever given myself. Today I was reminded that if I do not remain in a state of peace then I can not share that peace, love and acceptance with anyone else.

This is why I have my three favourite quotes:

I am. I exist.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Today has been yet another good day.

Your mission for tomorrow, should you chose to accept it, is to FIND THE GAP.

Peace be with you all.

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