JOURNAL ENTRY: Sunday 21 June 2015

I’m back in the groove people!

After a couple of flaky days feeling not so chipper, I have been out for a lovely walk with a friend Ben today and have thoroughly enjoyed myself.

I woke up, did my usually routine and then on the way to meet Ben, I realised that I didn’t feel entirely rested. I had woken up at about 08:00 and felt like I could do with some more sleep.

Once I met up with Ben and we got talking I forgot that I was feeling tired and became more and more present. As the day has gone on, just being outside and having someone to share the day with, my energy levels have gone up and up. I even got home and made a couple of calls to some recovery buddies. I felt good and had nothing to complain about and I just wanted to see how they were doing and share some of the love that I was feeling for them right at that moment. They were short calls but it was still nice to just have a quick, friendly chat with a few people to see what they had been up to this weekend.

I’m pretty sure that how I’m feeling right now isn’t mania. Yes I feel like I have a lot of energy and want to meet and connect with people at the moment, but isn’t this just my renewed excitement and enthusiasm for life?

I know I’ve not been so focused on my addictions the last few days, but it feels like I’ve got to the root cause of the problem.

Because I was so afraid to let go and just trust my feelings I was doing everything in my power to remain in denial and thus remain ill, addicted and depressed.

I haven’t even started working the 12 steps yet but I have taken so much positivity and strength from just thinking about Step 1 alone that it has literally changed my life. Don’t get me wrong, the months of therapy, medication and personal hard work and determination has, without a doubt, had a huge impact on my recovery. Yet the 12 steps are so simple.

We admitted we were powerless over [insert key word or phrase here] – that our lives had become unmanageable.

OK. I’m powerless over depression,anxiety, alcohol, sex, sugar, drugs, gambling, relationships etc. etc. etc.

If I acknowledge Step 1, then I have changed my perception and mindset from a state of powerlessness and denial to that of acceptance and recovery.

We forget that we always have a choice in life and Step 1 reminds us of that fact. Once we are reminded that we have a choice we can choose to remain powerless or we can choose recovery.

PS: I am also expanding my routing. I shall now attempt to wake at the same time everyday: 08:00 and go to bed at the same time every day: 22:00. According to Headspace guru Andy Puddicombe, who I have the utmost respect for, the body and the mind both thrive on routine. As my 4 step morning routine appears to be working and as I have no reason to question Andy’s advice, I shall do as instructed and do my best to follow his guidance.

I’m also finding that if I also follow my own advice, rather than just preaching at others, my life is also getting better.

Practice what you preach!

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