Hi, I’m Dan and welcome to my blog about depression, anxiety, co-dependence and how I’ve coped with these afflictions using addiction.
As part of my recovery I thought I would start writing about my thoughts and experiences relating to my addict and my addictions. If you’re reading this it’s either because Google has misrepresented my site in their search results for that of pornography, or because my irresistible and witty writing style can’t keep you away or possibly because you too suffer from some form depression/anxiety or have an addictive personality.
Whilst I’m not a trained psychotherapist or psychiatrist I am in treatment and I have been attending personal therapy for about 10 months. I actually started going to see my therapist for some ‘life coaching’ because I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t achieving my goals and expectations. It’s only a few months ago that the penny really began to drop for me and that I realised I had a serious addiction and predisposition to sexual thoughts and behaviour. I had always considered myself to be a normal, healthy male and had no idea that my constant obsession with sexual thoughts was a problem for me.
It’s taken me a little while longer to acknowledge that I also have a problem with alcohol addiction and I’m just starting to realise that I may also be co-dependent and that I need some help with that too.
I have also suffered and continue to suffer from depression. I’m not entirely certain at this point if the depression is caused by my addictions or if my addictions are a coping mechanism for my depression or that the two aren’t actually related. All I do know is that I have probably suffered from depression for at least the past 20 years and have only been aware and thus receiving treatment for it for the past 4 years.
As of today I am sober from alcohol for just under 1 week and as we say in the fellowship, I haven’t acted out for just over 1 week.
I currently attend Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) at least once a week, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) once a week and I am considering going to Codependents Anonymous for the first time this week too.
I have been attending SAA for two months and AA for one month.
I intend for this journal to be about my realisation and acceptance of my depression/addictions and how through my increased awareness and consciousness I will overcome my shortcomings.
I have not yet started to work the program of SAA or AA, but I have learnt over the last two months to face my denial and accept that I am an addict.
What follows is more about me and the story of my recovery…